No Groceries Today
It was 1999 and my kids were around 8 and 10. I picked them up from school and we headed to the Vons in Escondido to buy some groceries on the way home. We filled up the cart with the usual staples – vegetables, fruit, milk, bread, peanut butter, chicken -- and they snuck in a box of sugary cereal in the hopes that I wouldn’t notice or care.
Deciding not to care, I had them help me load everything onto the counter. I handed the cashier my credit card and she tried scanning it.
“I’m sorry but it’s been declined,” she said apologetically.
My checkbook was in my purse, but I knew there wasn’t enough in our bank account to cover the groceries which was why I was using the credit card. Since the work had stopped coming in my husband and I had been using our credit card for everything.
After trying a few more times there was nothing we could do but leave our groceries and walk out the store.
I remember the prickly feeling of shame. I remember my kids asking over and over again what had happened – why couldn’t we get our food? And I remember laughing it off so they wouldn’t worry.
“The credit card isn’t working. We’ll go again another day. We have lots of food at home. We’ll take out a frozen pizza for supper!”
You’re probably wondering what happened. How irresponsible had we been to run out of money?
Actually, not irresponsible at all. We were small business owners, installing graphics for museums in San Diego and Los Angeles. My husband worked long hours, doing the best he could for his clients, and I was a stay-at-home mom and helped with the business too. We had a mortgage on a home in Valley Center, two used cars, dogs, cats, chickens and goats. We had to cover all our own insurance – cars, home, medical and business. Most of the time there was enough work to cover all our expenses but every once in a while, the phone would just stop ringing. There would be no work. And this was the longest we’d gone without work and our bank account had literally run dry and we were forced to rely on credit.
Until we couldn’t.
So I took a part time job at a consignment store in Escondido and asked my dad to help tide us over, which he generously did. My father understood. When he was a little boy his father, who was a young war veteran, died. I remember him telling me how he made little bags of candy to sell to his friends, so he’d have some money to give to his mother to help her buy food for him and his two young sisters, one of whom was just a baby when her father passed.
Without his help we would have applied for food stamps and government assistance. It may have taken a while for my husband to find a job. We could have lost our medical insurance, our cars, our home.
We are very fortunate that we haven’t had to worry about not having enough money to feed our family since then. Our business grew, I brought in some income from part time work, and we were able to become more financially secure over the years.
How many of us have been in that situation at one time or another or for long, traumatic stretches of time? How many of us have loved ones who would not be making it without our support?
Approximately 42 million people in this country rely on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP). We’re not talking money for golf clubs or designer shoes. We’re talking food. Our most basic need.
Or as the SNAP website says, SNAP provides food benefits to low-income families to supplement their grocery budget so they can afford the nutritious food essential to health and well-being. https://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program
So much for making America healthy again.
It’s been a hard year for so many in this country. We have a president who clearly paid close attention to Elon Musk when he proclaimed that the “fundamental weakness of Western society is empathy,” who ran on “America first” but loves nothing more than making deals with world leaders and having his photo taken shaking their hands. It’s his favorite game – keep ‘em guessing.
Others in power may enjoy these games too, but when you’re waiting to hear if you’ll be losing the ability to keep feeding yourself and your family -- it’s not a game but a particularly cruel form of torture and a recipe for despair -- in one of the richest countries in the world.
# # #
How to receive and give help at this time:
Crisis lines and mental health resources https://helplinefaqs.nami.org/article/494-what-do-i-do-if-i-think-my-government-benefits-may-be-cut
National Military Family Association https://www.militaryfamily.org/tag/food-assistance-programs/
Jewish Family Service of San Diego https://www.jfssd.org/our-services/food-meals/
Catholic Charities https://ccdsd.org/efdn/
Interfaith Community Services https://www.interfaithservices.org/
Meals on Wheels America https://www.mealsonwheelsamerica.org
Thank you Brigi for being vulnerable and posting your history within the context of needing help from others at a time when you needed to get back on your feet...back on your feet to help pay bills, to help you and your family be able to eat, and also to help you be able to hold your head high during times of trouble; the good kind of high. Who of us hasn't been there? Well, some...I think the tragedy of which you speak is that our government is adding to the invisibility of those who desire to eat and have shelter by promoting themselves over the needs of others. Choosing their own greed and personal advancement at the cost of others. It will always be at the cost of others when we seek to deface another human being by misusing our own power or the power we have been given. Where is our humanity?
ReplyDeleteI once had to apply for food stamps in San Diego when I first moved down from Santa Cruz and was looking for a job in 1984. It was for temporary relief, but I have to share a little something that hit me as funny, (for which I am now embarrassed), that happened during the process we had to go through in order to qualify for assistance. For me, it was a very long and drawn out process, and yes, I felt humiliated at the prospect of needing to ask for help...somehow in my mind it meant I was not good enough, or something was wrong with me by needing what some would refer to as a handout. (It is really a hand up). l was having these feelings and thoughts while in a room full of strangers who were also at the mercy and generosity of the government, and who were no doubt also feeling the very same feelings I was feeling. During this time and situationally, I was in the position of overhearing a woman answer the question asked to her by the qualifying worker about where she lived. The desperate want-to-be recipient promptly and without hesitation replied, "in a dungeon!"
You know, to her, where she lived no doubt reflected how down she felt about her situation! How desperate she was and in need of help. I guess in my own neediness I felt some giddiness in her answer. Was I feeling the same way but had light coming into the room at which I was staying? Was I as bad off? Did I have a right to be here in comparison to her needs? Did I have hope and she did not? Was I feeling like I, too lived in a dungeon because I couldn't at that moment take care of all of my own needs? Was I just too afraid to appear too needy in front of others maybe? To be honest, the woman's answer still brings up that part of me that felt her answer was a bit on the extreme side. And here I am judging once again because I am still smiling at this memory. She was only asking for what had been offered to her during her time of need. Just like I was responding to the government saying to me at the time, "here's some help to get you through." It was the humane thing to do. The inhumanity of this current government shutdown is beyond what most of us can fathom as being even possible. It is selfish and wrong and evil. Yet here we are. Brigid, truly, here we are. But there is also something beautiful going on...and that is that you and I and others we know refuse to make others invisible by trying to steal their humanity. We will keep showing up and fighting and being here for each other. Thank you for blogging your understanding and love, Brigi. It helps so many of us stay clear about what is important.