All Over the Map

Have you ever felt shame that is not yours to feel? Right now, I know so many of us are carrying the shame that rightfully belongs to the President of the United States of America. Even though we aren't the ones who posted the vile and racist meme of Barack and Michelle Obama. And we aren't the ones saying we didn't read the whole post and didn't see what we posted. And we aren't the ones refusing to apologize to the former president, his family and all African Americans for the hateful image that we posted -- inadvertently or not.  Yes, I know we're all supposed to have moved on from this -- it happened five days ago, which makes it ancient history in the world of news. But some things are just too ugly to dismiss, too shameful to let go of. And from the reaction of millions of Americans, I know I'm not alone in this feeling -- wanting our black friends, neighbors, family members and people we've never met, to know how sorry we are.  We're sorry to ...

I could have ordered my new calendar online, like I do with so many things, but I felt like I needed a dose of Barnes and Noble in Escondido.   I loved walking into the store, into one of the most therapeutic smells in the world, then drifting from shelf to shelf, looking at the candles, cozy “reading socks," chocolates, teas, puzzles. And of course, books.  I felt a warmth and kinship with the people there. The older man burrowed into the chair in the corner reading a huge book about ships. The two teenage girls at the table in the coffee area, sipping their drinks and talking. The little boy sitting on the floor of the kids’ section with a Mo Willems book on his lap, and his mom sitting next to him reading her own book. Parallel reading.  I’d come in specifically to buy a 2026 calendar and there were so many to choose from. Funny ones and arty ones and dozens celebrating the beauty of nature. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who still needs and uses a wall...

On the night before Veterans Day, 2010, students packed Commons 206 at Cal State San Marcos. Whether they were there to learn more about women who serve in the military or simply to fulfill credit requirements for their Women’s Studies class, in the end it didn’t really matter. They got to hear 22-year-old Sgt. Saray Ramirez, who joined the Army National Guard when she was 17, explain how empowering it felt to be able to change monster-sized tires on monster-sized trucks and bond with the guys she served with in Iraq.  Ramirez was born in Mexico and became a U.S. citizen through her military service.  “Overall, I think my experience in the military has been good,” she said. “Especially being a female Hispanic. It’s given me a lot of strength, personal courage.”  And the students got to hear Army veteran Kristine Wise share some of her experiences as a logistical specialist who was deployed to Iraq from May 2003 to January 2004. They got to see how much courage it took for...

It was 1996 and my kids were around 7 and 9. I picked them up from school and we headed to the Vons in Escondido to buy some groceries on the way home.  We filled up the cart with the usual staples – vegetables, fruit, milk, bread, peanut butter, chicken -- and they snuck in a box of sugary cereal in the hopes that I wouldn’t notice or care.  Deciding not to care, I had them help me load everything onto the counter.  I handed the cashier my credit card and she tried scanning it.  “I’m sorry but it’s been declined,” she said apologetically.   My checkbook was in my purse, but I knew there wasn’t enough in our bank account to cover the groceries which was why I was using the credit card.  Since the work had stopped coming in my husband and I had been using our credit card for everything.   After trying a few more times there was nothing we could do but leave our groceries and walk out the store.  I remember the prickly feeli...

I have a very low threshold for bullies. A part of me has always recognized that bullying is just a softer word for psychological torture.  I find it terribly painful when people wield their power to inflict unnecessary suffering on others.  And because we don’t exist in a vacuum, the ripple effects of that suffering impact everyone around us. For every life that President Trump has thrown into chaos and turmoil and fear since becoming president just a few months ago, there are so many others affected.   Those same health care workers, park rangers, VA employees, scientists and medical researchers who’ve been fired by the tens of thousands without warning, are also dealing with health issues, are caregivers for elderly parents and have children with special needs.   About 30% of federal workers are veterans, “employees who have been serving the American people for years, in uniform and in civil service.”     https://www.vfw.org/media-and...

  No, I'm not happy with the outcome of the elections, but the people have spoken, and as my son reminds me about all kinds of things, it is what it is.  Of course I'm worried about the mental and physical health of girls and women in this country.  And I'm so very worried about our Guatemalan friends, whose sons were not born in this country, but whose daughters were.  They are a loving, hard working family who are so very vulnerable right now -- and they know it. And I'm worried too for the brave people of Ukraine, who have fought so hard for their autonomy, for the right to be Ukrainians.  But the one thing I'm learning, is that my worry and fear and anxiety doesn't serve me or my loved ones.  This is where prayer/therapy/journaling/talking to friends/volunteering /making art or cookies comes in useful. Basically, finding ways to shift the worry and feeling of hopelessness into something more active and productive. It doesn't work all the time, but it he...